Bringing up Bébé: Ellie turning 1 tomorrow

Dear Ellie Babe, you are turning 1 tomorrow. I can't help but look back at all the jing that had happened in the past 1 year. It was an eventful year. It was the longest year of Mama's life. But we made it my dear.

It was 4 August 2015. Mama felt you coming and called Papa to get home as soon as he can. After Gege went to bed, Mama and Papa went to the hawker centre for lunch before heading to the hospital. Dr Fong arranged for us to go to the delivery room immediately.

Mama was in a lot of pain when I settled on the bed. There was no time for epidural and the nurse has to call Dr Fong to come immediately for delivery.

After a few pushes, there you are. Mama wanted to hold you immediately to breastfeed you. But after examination by a paediatrician, she told us that you have heart murmur and needs to go to the NICU immediately.

Mama felt so lost at that moment. Mama got cleaned up and went to see you. Ellie babe, you were hooked up to so many machines and you looked like the smallest thing to Mama at that moment. We couldn't stop crying. Then the doctor tried to explain your condition to us. We felt lost. I asked God why.

Following that, you went for 2 surgeries in Gleneagles. Those were temporary measures to allow you to get stronger for a bigger operation later. We spent almost one month in the hospital. Mama cried everytime when I see you. Mama read the bible to you every day. And everyday Mama hopes that God will come and heal your heart completely. And let's never stop praying for that.

Just when we thought it was good to have you home and things started to settle down, you got blood in your stool and we brought you to NUH. When the doctor at the emergency tried to insert an IV, Mama's heart was crying. You had fever in NUH and was tested positive for bacteria infection in your blood. We were hospitalised for 3 weeks. Ellie babe got poked almost daily. Mama almost lost my mind. Things were never the same for Mama after this experience. Mama became more weary of the doctors and decided that Mama should question the doctors more in the future. You went through so much there. Mama felt so lost to see you suffer and not being able to do anything to make you feel better.

When you were 5 months old, we got hospitalised again as your O2 level was too low and you were having bad reflux with poor weight gain. Ellie babe had feeding tube to help you to gain weight to prepare you for the BCPC surgery. Mama, Papa, Gege, Jie Jie, Gua Gong, Gua Ma, Ah Mah and Yi Yi were there to send you to the operating theatre. Only Mama was allowed to bring you into the OT. When the doctor put on a mask to make you sleep, Mama's heart broke.

But Ellie babe, you made very good recovery. In one week, we were out form the ICU and we stayed another week in the HD to address your feeding problem. Mama decided to bring you home with the feeding tube. But we took it off 2 weeks later since you were already off most medication.

Ellie babe got better by the day from there.

And here we are. One year later.

Ellie babe, Mama thank you for staying strong. Mama thank you for not giving up. Long journey ahead. But the grace of God will be upon you. His favour will be upon you. His strength will be upon you. You shall not fear for he has prepared a table for you before your enemies.